There are times when I will be in a room by myself and get lost in my own crazy thoughts. I think of inventions I could create that would make me a millionaire. I then think of the ways I can make this world better with all the money I've acquired. It's just how my train of thought works.
There are other times when I'm in a room by myself and I wallow in my own loneliness. I get so lonely sometimes. Sometimes I let it overtake me so I can be so happy when I no longer have to feel that emptiness, loneliness. Other times, I get too afraid of feeling so sad and I ask the first person that comes to my mind to hang out with me. I'm not weak for doing so, it's just human nature.
There are times when I'm surrounded by people and I'm so happy. I can't stop laughing because the company is just so great and I'm having an absolutely great time. I don't want that moment to end because it's genuine. I'm genuinely happy.
There are other times when I'm surrounded by people and I'm off in my own world. I analyze people. I don't judge them. I just like to see how they react in society. I like to see what their ticks are: how many times do the girls flip their hair around boys they just meet, how many times do the boys high five each other, how many pauses does a boy takes in between sentences when he is trying his best to impress a lady out of his league.
In social surroundings, I like to talk to people about music. There's a lot you can judge by a person through their music taste. I know what type of music I like, and if I share someone's music personalities, I know I will get along fine with that person.
There have been times in my life where I feel like I can't breathe. I don't smoke anymore, but I still question whether I could have hurt my lungs. Then I realize that I can't breathe because I don't allow my body to do so. During that moment, I know that whatever has caused me to stop breathing has left an unforgettable impression on my memory. There have been only a handful of those moments.
Then there are moments like this. I'm a dreamer. I remember how lucky I am to be given this life and I think of all the ways I could leave a dent before I die. In my greatest dreams, I'll be an indie/folk musician living in Europe with a man who understands me/respects me/laughs with me. I'll tour the world with him and share our music. We will find a way to influence our adoring fans to help us help others. We'll give the hungry food. We'll give the homeless shelter. We'll give the parched clean water. That's when I can rest. That's when I can be happy that I've lived a full life and I did absolutely everything I've wanted.
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