gobble gobble barf barf

Definition ~ Thanksgiving (th-ank-kiss-giv-ing) : Acts of unforeseen gluttony committed through turkey and side dish ingestion.

I can never predict how bad the food coma will be, but man.. I sure am thankful that I'm lucky enough to be with family and friends as we eat a giant bird (or in this year's case - two birds). The following is a list of the majority of things that I'm thankful for.

1) Food, shelter, and love
2) Family and amazing friends
3) People who think I'm funny
4) Education
5) The experiences I have been able to have
6) No Shave November
7) The movie "Elf"
8) Having the chance to appreciate every single day I'm given
9) Karaoke
10) Experiences I learn from; kindness I am given

Granted, this is the cliff notes version of everything that makes me so happy. The tiniest things have the ability to make me extremely happy; it's hard to pinpoint everything that I am thankful for. I know that I am such a blessed and lucky girl, and I cannot wait for the rest of my years to find even more things to be thankful for.

Eat well, love happily, be thankful.

cheers!

Nerdin out

Fact: When I grow up, I'm going to be marrying a nerd.

My first face-blushing, heart-pumping crush was in the 2nd grade.
When we did our times tables, he knew every. single. one. (that included the 12 tables)
When we mixed baking soda and vinegar, he knew exactly why it happened.
When we learned cursive, his handwriting was AWESOME.
One day on the playground, as he read his 100+ page Animorphs book, I sat down next to him with the biggest book I could find in my teacher's library. He smiled at me (*swooonnn*) and started talking about worldly things. We talked about how he preferred Sesame Street to Barney growing up because of the content and depth of learning the program provided. (I personally liked Barney, but I nodded in agreement anyways because he used big words.)

As the years pass, my sentiments toward those really offbeat, smart boys haven't changed. It must be because they throw really cute pick up lines my way and want to joke about stuff like figuring out the torque of a shaft (dirty-alert!). Some of the best pick up lines are the nerdy ones. Use these!!

"You're sine and I'm cosine and together we make 1"
"You’re as sweet at 3.14."
"Forget hydrogen you’re my number one element."
"Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I’m around you"

....Or you can just send these really cute, dorky photos that I was lucky enough to stumble upon. Brace yourself, these are freaking awesome.




Now quit procrastinating and go solve some diff EQs

Love Shack

For the 4th time in the past two months, I was asked to explain and help with 'girl troubles' by completely great men. I've decided that it was time to blog about the advice that I give to each of them. The following advice goes for both men and women (!!)

1) Grow some cajones. Speak for what you feel and what you think.

2) Rejection is the worst that will happen, and that will never be the end of you.

3) Be proud of who you are as a person before being completely okay with pursuing someone. If you're not in the right mindset to love yourself, you won't be in the correct mindset to love another.

4) Fight for it. Fight for it as long as it still feels right.

5) People are stubborn and shallow. Make sure they're worth it.

6) If tomorrow didn't exist, what would you wish you could have said?

7) Don't wish the worst on the person you can't be with. Hope they find exactly what they're looking for and send good vibes their way regardless of how much they hurt you.

8) Never settle out of loneliness.

9) Self-doubt is worse than rejection. Always try.

10) "Separate the ones who knew you from the ones who couldn't bother to see you for all that you are" - Tilly and the Wall


hugs and kisses. all the best in all your conquests.

Happy Beard Day You Cute Little Furbies!!

Tomorrow commences No Shave November!!

I was watching the new season of Whisker Wars on IFC this past summer/fall.
I've come to the sad conclusion that being a girl means that I can't brush my beard with a special beard comb.
Being a girl also means that I will never have that one time of day when I stroke my furry chin and pretend I'm intellectual and mysterious.


Nope, NOTHIN'. Not even a basket weave....

...or a scenic representation of a farm...
...or even little ringlets to match the shape of my glasses. ZIP. ZILCH. NADA.



I guess having a beard would make me very vain and force me to compete in Whisker competitions to win a wooden slab that says, "I'm a really hairy person."
Plus, can we discuss how much money I would spend on hair (beard) products?

But then again, something completely out of my control strikes again. Asian people can't grow hair for shit, and I'd be looking like my dad Confucius:

ROUGH

I know I have done a good job when I hurt.

For example
1) At the gym, my legs are tired, I'm absolutely exhausted, it hurts. I've done my job
2) After a hard night's of drinking, I wake up the next morning, head hurts. I've done my job.
3) The test was absolutely ridiculous. I know that no matter how many hours of studying I've put in, there would be no possible way for me to solve the 1 out of 3 problems given on the exam. My head hurts. I've done my job.
4) I fall in love. It ends. I cry. I doubt. I hurt. I know I've done my job.

So this next question brings me to ask: when did it become a job to live my life? When did it hurt so much to do things that should be second nature? I don't want life to be a "job." I want to be happy with what I do....

For example:
I ran a half marathon over a month ago. My main fear was that I wasn't going to be able to finish.
Before I started the race, I got hives.

I've never gotten hives in my life..

in my mind, i thought - well, maybe this is a sign

by mile five, i couldn't breathe

by mile 5.3, i stopped at a medic station

by mile 13.1, i couldn't believe i finished (!!)



Lesson learned.



here's what I've concluded.

--love all you want, people who don't recognize how great it is to be loved don't deserve it
--hate all you want, but know that because you dislike something about someone, people's inherent nature cannot change
--forgive as much as possible
--know that brighter things will happen for you in the future as long as you believe and love yourself first
--be confident, be happy; it's contagious

Reality

It seems that every girl that I know is downright addicted to reality TV. From the Kardashians to the really ugly hairstylists of Jerseylicious, they want to discuss and watch the lives of completely random strangers. Granted, I've been successfully brainwashed and sucked into every show my roommates love, but when I think about it - I mean, wow. How can I care that much about someone I don't even know?

A few weekends ago, I found myself in a 24-hour-diner in Philadelphia surrounded by drunk people. They came from a party at UPenn and all of them wore the same exact outfit. Granted, the outfit didn't fit everyone as planned - some were too loose, others were far too snug. In my own inebriated state, I made the mistake of calling a boy's butt "a Kim Kardashian butt." Immediately, I was ambushed by drink girls talking about Kim's wedding. These UPenn girls seemed to know everything about her - ranging from her ex-boyfriends to her favorite diet foods to her future hopes and dreams- I ended up leaving that diner know much more than I needed to about anyone other than a really close friend or family.

I don't get how they get us so hooked. How do people off the streets become so famous? How can we endure hours of straight up screaming (Jersey Shore, Real Housewives, Mob Wives?!) and still want to watch another episode?

Personally, I prefer Anthony Bourdain. *swoon* He just curses, travels and drinks a lot.

But until I get my own TV or my own place, I'll happily be watching Beverly Hills Housewives on my DVR and talking about how bad I feel for the new skinny girl with the cast.

Causing Mischief

Since halloween is coming soon, so is mischief night.
It's one of those holidays that I miss so much.
Growing up, the kids in my neighborhood and I would supply up on excess amounts of toilet paper.

....stealing a roll here.

......a roll there.

......a roll from our school bathroom.

It. Was. Awesome.

come 10 pm on October 30th - wayyyy past all of our bed times- we would go crazy.

The next mornings the parents thought it snowed outside with how much toilet paper we scattered.

It was a sad day (almost as sad as the day that I turned 11 and no letter from Hogwarts came for me ) when my parents told me they knew exactly what was going on every year I thought I was getting away with it.

This year, the following photos are my inspiration.

Wit and charm.

Whack TED talk.

If you love me, why'd you let me go?

Are things worth fighting for after the fight has already been lost and you're stuck in the losing ring completely distressed and hopeless?

This sounds like the beginning of a whiney blog by an adolescent 13 year old girl who thinks she has profound thoughts on life love and hugs and kisses. So excuse me for this coming post.

Here are my thoughts: Maybe in the end it could be worth it to keep on fighting, but it's always disappointing. Lately I've found a new pessimistic view that reeks havoc on everything I used to find ideal. My mantra of "whatever should happen will in due time" has changed to "if you don't and won't jump on an opportunity given to you, you can cry about it months after and think about what you could've had."

Ever since I've played with heartbreak and fire, I've built this amazing, impenetrable fortress. My friends laugh because as soon as I have some boy dish out their feelings on a silver platter, I hose down the plate with my residual fear and insecurities then sell the silver plate for cute shoes and accessories.

Then, finally. It hits. A comet crashes down upon me and turns my heart of stone into a heart of flesh.

And as soon I'm finally able to fight again: BOOM! Knocked down and out. As I'm down, I get kicked in the ribs and in the stomach and in the head and in the heart. I ache all over as I ponder in all my pain and in my blurred vision, maybe the comet was a ball of karma out to get me for every single bad thing I've done.

The fortress is always easier to build a second time around.

Rain rain go away

The weather has been so on and so off lately. On: torrential downpour and you're soaked within a second. Off: bright blue skies with puffy white clouds. On: SURPRISE! It's really night time at noon and hail feels better when they're sized as golf balls.

This inconsistency seems to have leaked it's way not only in Mama Nature's life but into the life of everyone I seem to know and their sisters.

One minute: happy go lucky. Next minute: clouds of resentment and hatred. Has everyone become bipolar or is everyone on edge that 2012 is coming along with the end of the world?

This attitude has absolutely rubbed off on me in small doses, but I've been so lucky to have been so busy that I don't even realize it until I find about two minutes to take a breather. That's when one second I think about how I lucky I am, then all of a sudden I'm hit with this stomach turning emptiness as I think about how lonely and stranded I've become. Then I think about all the great things I have to look forward to then strikes fears about what will happen after graduation. Vicious cycle-thunder sun lightning sun happiness sadness smiles tears.

Take a step back today and ask yourself, "Am I happy?"

If you are, smile.

If you aren't, find something (whether its the smallest thing) that makes you unhappy and change it.

Don't live life for how you believe others want you to.

Live for yourself. Live happily.

Spinning Spinning Spinning

I've come to this conclusion today. Life is equivalent to being a tornado.

Personally, I'm just spinning off in my own worlds with a desire to absorb everyone that comes in my path. I want to meet people, I want to understand them, I want to capture them in my world for as long as they desire to be in it, and I hope they leave my life spinning off happy, content, and changed.

Me + my $0.02.

My parents bought a karaoke machine when my sister and I were babies. They bought a bunch of VCD's with old Chinese songs and some American songs by Sonny and Cher, The Beatles, and even The Carpenters. To say the least, my music knowledge was condensed down to:

"I've got you babe (with the) kalediscope eyes (and don't worry,) I've only just begun to live"

As the 90's progressed, I danced to MC Hammer, Meatloaf, New Kids on the Block, TLC, A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, and all those solo girl singers and boy bands. It was awesome. No auto tunes, just straight up. legit. music. Astonishingly, I knew the entire rap of "Electric Relaxation" at age 11. As I rapped "Honey check it out you got my mesmerized with your black hair and your fat ass thighs," I thought - 'Cool!! I have black hair so this song is about me!'

When I reached 7, my mom signed me up for piano lessons like any good Asian mother should. That's when I found out how awesome "mary had a little lamb" was and played it 10 times every 5 minutes. As I graduated from simple chords, I fully understood the beauty that is music. I found myself tearing up (not kidding, don't judge) over "Claire De Lune" the first time I heard it and get worked up to "Fantaisie Impromptu."

At the ripe age of 13, I brought my Karaoke Skillz to the front stage of choir. I sang some good shit and was lucky enough to score some solos. That's when I decided I'd be a pop star, and I'd become the next Jewel.

So, it brings me to this day. Music: always a lover, always a player, always a tease, but always awesome.

This is my music choice of the day:
Nostalgic, beautiful, so well played. Something about spending a trip overseas with a lover who doesn't mind drinking a bottle of wine in public while sleeping in a 2-star hotel.

Modern family

True life: Summer.

I'm flattered that I'm getting over 50 views per day, but I'm more flattered that my readers are all over the world (!!). But honestly, these thoughts that I throw out into cyber world are boring and pointless (unless you have a huge crush on me and you want to pick apart my brain by reading what I have to think and write about.)

There's nothing going on anymore. I have a strict schedule of classes, running, homework-ing, and occasional drinking. But for classic entertainment, I turn to web surfing. I found GROUCHY RABBIT! It is currently my "FAVE" website and introduced to me by my lovely roommate. It's hilarious if you're into my type of humor (mainly dry and cynical).

Speaking of humor. I don't seem to share the same type of humor with the world. The first Hangover sucked for me, and I'm convinced that The Hangover 2 will suck doubly as hard. (And not in a good way).

I mean, honestly....three middle aged men getting plastered and not remembering the night... AGAIN?? Wouldn't they have learned from their mistakes the first time in Vegas when they almost killed their best friend? I'd be nervous if my dad watched these movies because he'd start having crazy ideas on how to combat mid-life crisis and possibly run off marrying a stripper with a baby. Or worse, stealing a tiger from Mike Tyson. BARF

Here's the trailer if you haven't seen it for the trillionth time. Keep away wolfpackers, I'm not interested. I'll be watching Kungfu Panda instead.

Summertime and the living is easy...

We are who we are because of the people that we meet to make us that way.

It's summer time again. That means that it's finally time to break out of my norm and meet some new people. This will be the first time in 6 years that I haven't traveled for the entire summer . This will be the first time in 6 years that I didn't have to live out of a suitcase. It was a personal choice to stay put, but I'm still shocked that I haven't stepped foot on a plane yet. 6 years.
I met so many characters in the years of traveling. Yesterday, I went to my local college bar. The guys wore cut off frat pinnies and the girls wore their cutest, tightest, leggiest summer dresses. Sadly, these are far from the characters I speak of.

Three summers ago, I met a grandmother in the streets of Shanghai, China. It was around 8 pm at night in front of the line 8 metro station, and she was dancing with her elderly friends to traditional Chinese music. I was with my friend at that time and he tried to dance with her. She giggled then declined and took my hands instead. As I fumbled and jolted, her 80+ year old limbs moved perfectly - she was the perfect type of teacher to let me explore my roots. Then she smiled (maybe laughed at me for dancing so awfully), and her toothless grin gave me a realization that I would never be in another situation like this again; And no matter how hard I've try, I haven't been given the chance to go back.

Six summers ago, I spent my first summer traveling back from China to America. On the flight back, I met such an inspiring man in his late 20's. He started his own company and owned 4 different houses around the world. He said that traveling and living your life is the best way to be happy. He told me that because he did what he loved, he was successful. His father forced him into getting a degree he wasn't happy with, but with that degree and that education, he was able to continue to be the successful man he always dreamed of being. On the plane in spotlight of our reading lamps, however many miles above the earth's surface, I was grateful for his company and thought: if the plane came crashing down, I wouldn't mind letting him be the last person I talked to.

So this summer. I will thrive in this bubble known as university. I will make a conscious effort to find people who look strange and get to know them because I know they will have such a better story to tell than the majority of the people here.

Happy Finals Week

This is usually the time of year where I put smiley faces :-) for answers to the questions I don't know.

But these kids were much, MUCH more creative than I will ever be. Happy Final's Week.

The week after this coming week will be a post about all the alcoholic beverages that can be consumed by an Asian girl without causing death.

Enjoy:

Silly Rabbit....

.....Eggs are for chickens.
Happy Easter.

I want back the years that you took when I was young

This post is dedicated to remembering the past.

I'm a grown lady now, and I know that I couldn't possess half the wisdom that I currently do without the past. I have been humbled. I rarely act on impulse anymore (which is disappointing because I would do some crazy shit for kicks and giggles - all harmless, of course), and I, more times than not, think too much and speak too little.

This song by William Fitzsimmons and Priscilla Ahn has been on repeat on my iPod for weeks now.

It brings me back to a time where I was young, naive, and impressionable. I invested every part of me in a relationship that I knew wouldn't work from the beginning. In turn, I've felt my heart expand to a point where I was dizzy with happiness, and then I felt it collapse. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and take it all back. What I wouldn't give...


"I Don't Feel it Anymore" William Fitzsimmons and Priscilla Ahn

UGGs or UGH!

Since moving back into the states, I've realized people's questionable love for 'Uhhhhhggggss.'

I don't understand them, I don't desire them, and spending over 160 USD for a pair of sheep doesn't seem appetizing.

My roommates have slipped every which way on ice with them, and surfers in Australia wear them at the beach (?). They are an enigma I have no desire to explore. If you'd like to give into the social norm, I'd highly suggest purchasing a pair, but remember, Uggs = showing your butt crack to the world after you fall on capital hill (refer to image).

Demotivate Me

These next few images are the main reasons why I don't get work done.

This site is probably the best site to go on for stupid humor and demotivation.





This last image actually reminds me of this story told to me by a friend who went to Michigan State University. At MSU, like any other state school, there were house parties that were considered "ragers." However, at his school, whenever there was a rager, there was sure to be a homeless man known as "Willie the Can Man" lucking around. Wille would be jacked on some type of hard drug and ask for the beer cans so he could sell them back at the local Meijer's. As his reputation grew, students actually sent out personal invites to have him as their guest of honor. After too many ragers, Willie eventually got put back in jail. Creepy Willie. You can try but you will never be this creepy in your life.

Speaking of gingers. It's believed in many cultures that it's lucky to have a red-headed pal by your side to scare away the devil. ZING!

Hipsters

This post is dedicated to the hipsters.

Dear hipsters,
You are misunderstood by many.
Your feigned lack of enthusiasm is mistaken for asshole-ness.
Your lens-less glasses are NEVER mistaken for real glasses.
Your beard is mistaken for an animal.
Your American Apparel clothing came with pre-punctured holes.
Your knowledge on music and news is verbatim from Vice Magazine.

But I understand that you’re just worldly people who are much, MUCH better than everyone else who don’t understand you. And you don’t give one fuck. You don’t care if your hair is gelled perfectly out of place or if your jeans fit perfectly to show the shapeliness of your legs.

You're just God-sent to show the world how life should be lived: drinking PBR and smoking American Spirits while listening to underground bands that "like, probably no one's ever even heard of."

You are great people, and I know that if you cared you'd think I was great too. I know you don't because you're probably thinking, "I'd care, but like, why?"

......And that's why I love you. <3

"Hi my name is Panda"

People don't get my name. I've resorted to calling myself Panda while introducing myself. It usually gets a "nahh way, seriously, what's you're real name?" Then I say Kangda and they say "wait, panda?" Y-e-s. They proceed to giggle and say how funny it is because panda's are Asian and I'm Asian.

Ta-da, the ice is broken. Thanks mom and dad for giving me such a weird name.

The world was here last.

Today's news showed that Japan keeps on getting raped by tsunamis and earthquakes, America keeps on bombing Libya, and Rio de Janerio has a 23 year old man shooting and killing innocent children.

Everything in this world is so ugly and devastating. I talked this through with a good friend of mine, and she is convinced that the world will end and humans will be wiped out. In a biblical sense, it will be more or less like Noah and the Ark. Swoop, slooosh, drown all the sins and hate and hurt and unhappiness-

If the world ended tomorrow, I would perish knowing that I have had a very fulfilling life. I have loved, I have hurt, I have given back, I have traveled, I have had a family, I have read great works of literature and heard great pieces of music, I have essentially experienced exactly what a 21 year old should have experienced- but there will be a list of tasks that I wouldn't have accomplished. So- if the world is set to end in 2012, it gives me roughly 9 months to cross off things from my bucket list.

The following is an excerpt from my bucket list:

1.) Learn how to drive a car,
2.) Run a marathon,
3.) Try out for American Idol,
4.) Live in Portland, Oregon (this is brought on with my current favorite show, Portlandia),
5.) Work at a homeless shelter,
6.) Learn to play the guitar,
7.) Write an original song,
8.) Knit a sweater vest,
9.) Own a dog,
10.) Tie-dye a shirt,
11.) Go camping in Europe,
12.) Cliff dive,
13.) Jump out of a plane,
14.) Pick my own bouquet of flowers from the wild,
15.) Grow a plant from a seed,
16.) Pet a panda,
17.) Go ape shit on a copier-Office Space style (refer to image),

18.) Build a huge sand castle with a moat,
19.) Make 1000 origami swans,
20.) Be in a wedding.

Oh Rainy Day!

"Ouch!" cried the worm, "you stepped on me and now all my guts have gone out of me! Please don't step on my----"

The human shlumped down the concrete pathway soaked to the core with rain water.

The worm stopped mid sentence as she saw her baby worms get tramped by fucking rain boots. "I can't believe you stepped on my babies, you jerk!"

There was a huge puddle ahead, and the human loved puddles because there was something liberating about displacing a significant amount of water with a waterproof boot.

The worm sighed. "Guess I'll just lay here as you splash me with dirty ass rain water."

And the most tremendous splash happened and all the worms with their guts went back into the soil.

the end.

Sup Dawg?!

People are crazy.
Technology show cases how crazy people can really be.

For example: Texting.
There are several sites such as textsfromlastnight or damnyouautocorrect.
The latest addition to this is: www.crazythingsparentstext.com - here are some of the more hilarious ones:

Lead Art

People are getting more and more creative with art. This is the art find of the day!
Presenting Dalton Ghetti -

Lean On Me

I used to really know my friends.
I grew out of some, some of them grew out of me.
It's weird how far a friend can bring you until they just don't.
It's funny how contact could be re-established, but both of you know it's just not worth it anymore.
I moved too many places.
I call too many places my home.
It's hard to keep track of people when you don't really know where home is.



There were/are countless number of people who I consider my close friends. I just lose track of them easily. I get caught up in my current world and forget to remember those who were so dear to me. I guess I'm growing up too quick and the world is moving too fast around me.

"Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry." - Jack Kerouac

Oye la Música

Many different types of music that I can't seem to get out of my head.

On this lazy Sunday piled up to my neck with homework and assignments, I find myself skipping around on youtube listening to some cute artists that will put me in a chipper mood.

Listening to a wide range of music ranging from dubstep to folk; from American to French.

Here's a list of current music artists that are keeping my brain on track:

1. William Fitzsimmons - Folksy type of guy with a big beard. He likes singing about being alone and scared and how much he doesn't care (classic hipster). If he had a band behind him, it might be called "Iron & Beer"

2. Ellie Goulding - A huge sensation over in the UK parts. There are some awesome dubstep remixes with her music. I have to say I almost prefer the remixes than her real music. There is a cute cover she does in her child-like voice to "Your Song" by Elton John.

3. Carla Bruni - I discovered Carla Bruni this summer in Paris. There was a street artist that strummed her guitar and sang a cover of "quelqu'un m'a dit" and I loved it. Low and behold, so did the song selectors of "500 days of summer."

4. Priscilla Ahn - There are too few Asian folk artists out there. She sings her songs about how shy she is and how awkward she could be. But her tunes are so catchy and so chill. She's also married to the wild card of the gang in "It's Always Sunny" so that means she's DUH...WINNING.

5. Phantogram - If it weren't for my love of Minus the Bear, I wouldn't have came across this band at all. Last year's tour, Phantogram opened up for Minus the Bear. Strong back beats and lots of head bobbing on the chick's part (mind out of the gutter). Less instrumental compared to the other groups that I've listed above. Rather this duo seems to prefer a keyboard and a Mac computer - still very clutch.

6. Explosions in the Sky - I haven't heard of this band until a friend's iPod played "your hand in mine" on shuffle. I was hooked, and we listened to the entire album on our long car ride back home. There are no lyrics, no words to hide the absolute brilliance of the artist. The build up is awesome and the sweet release of some crazy clash of instruments makes this band fantastic.


Me and my musical two cents.

Dream, Dream, Dream BIG

There are times when I will be in a room by myself and get lost in my own crazy thoughts. I think of inventions I could create that would make me a millionaire. I then think of the ways I can make this world better with all the money I've acquired. It's just how my train of thought works.

There are other times when I'm in a room by myself and I wallow in my own loneliness. I get so lonely sometimes. Sometimes I let it overtake me so I can be so happy when I no longer have to feel that emptiness, loneliness. Other times, I get too afraid of feeling so sad and I ask the first person that comes to my mind to hang out with me. I'm not weak for doing so, it's just human nature.

There are times when I'm surrounded by people and I'm so happy. I can't stop laughing because the company is just so great and I'm having an absolutely great time. I don't want that moment to end because it's genuine. I'm genuinely happy.

There are other times when I'm surrounded by people and I'm off in my own world. I analyze people. I don't judge them. I just like to see how they react in society. I like to see what their ticks are: how many times do the girls flip their hair around boys they just meet, how many times do the boys high five each other, how many pauses does a boy takes in between sentences when he is trying his best to impress a lady out of his league.

In social surroundings, I like to talk to people about music. There's a lot you can judge by a person through their music taste. I know what type of music I like, and if I share someone's music personalities, I know I will get along fine with that person.

There have been times in my life where I feel like I can't breathe. I don't smoke anymore, but I still question whether I could have hurt my lungs. Then I realize that I can't breathe because I don't allow my body to do so. During that moment, I know that whatever has caused me to stop breathing has left an unforgettable impression on my memory. There have been only a handful of those moments.

Then there are moments like this. I'm a dreamer. I remember how lucky I am to be given this life and I think of all the ways I could leave a dent before I die. In my greatest dreams, I'll be an indie/folk musician living in Europe with a man who understands me/respects me/laughs with me. I'll tour the world with him and share our music. We will find a way to influence our adoring fans to help us help others. We'll give the hungry food. We'll give the homeless shelter. We'll give the parched clean water. That's when I can rest. That's when I can be happy that I've lived a full life and I did absolutely everything I've wanted.

addict

I've quit facebook.
It's like quitting an awful addiction.
Almost like you're a recovering alcoholic sitting in a bar where everyone is having a great, drunken time.
Or like quitting cigarettes when all your friends and family smoke 20 packs a day. Each.

But in all honesty, I don't miss it for a second.
There comes a time in every girl's/boy's/transgender's life where mundane day-to-day thoughts of other people aren't interesting anymore.
There will be no more notifications in my life, and I'm fine with that.

Just gotta kick this addiction.
I've taken up hobbies again.
It almost feels like the 90's again.

List of hobbies:
Knitting, reading, writing, drawing, music making, sleeping, lounging.

Among many other things, Facebook will not be one of the hobbies in my life for a while.

!!

!

I've recently realized a few life lessons.

1. The love that we give will come back to us at some point. Keep on loving, keep on supporting, keep on being genuine. Have patience. If the love doesn't return, focus that love elsewhere.

2. We're given each day to count your blessings.

3. Life is amazing once we find a chance to forgive our past and forget about our future.

4. Sitting down and feeling our breath being exhaled in and out is something we all forget to do every once in a while.

5. Music is good. God is strength. Friends are comfort. Family is support. Loneliness happens but Love happens more if we let it.

..............ta-da.