If you love me, why'd you let me go?

Are things worth fighting for after the fight has already been lost and you're stuck in the losing ring completely distressed and hopeless?

This sounds like the beginning of a whiney blog by an adolescent 13 year old girl who thinks she has profound thoughts on life love and hugs and kisses. So excuse me for this coming post.

Here are my thoughts: Maybe in the end it could be worth it to keep on fighting, but it's always disappointing. Lately I've found a new pessimistic view that reeks havoc on everything I used to find ideal. My mantra of "whatever should happen will in due time" has changed to "if you don't and won't jump on an opportunity given to you, you can cry about it months after and think about what you could've had."

Ever since I've played with heartbreak and fire, I've built this amazing, impenetrable fortress. My friends laugh because as soon as I have some boy dish out their feelings on a silver platter, I hose down the plate with my residual fear and insecurities then sell the silver plate for cute shoes and accessories.

Then, finally. It hits. A comet crashes down upon me and turns my heart of stone into a heart of flesh.

And as soon I'm finally able to fight again: BOOM! Knocked down and out. As I'm down, I get kicked in the ribs and in the stomach and in the head and in the heart. I ache all over as I ponder in all my pain and in my blurred vision, maybe the comet was a ball of karma out to get me for every single bad thing I've done.

The fortress is always easier to build a second time around.

Rain rain go away

The weather has been so on and so off lately. On: torrential downpour and you're soaked within a second. Off: bright blue skies with puffy white clouds. On: SURPRISE! It's really night time at noon and hail feels better when they're sized as golf balls.

This inconsistency seems to have leaked it's way not only in Mama Nature's life but into the life of everyone I seem to know and their sisters.

One minute: happy go lucky. Next minute: clouds of resentment and hatred. Has everyone become bipolar or is everyone on edge that 2012 is coming along with the end of the world?

This attitude has absolutely rubbed off on me in small doses, but I've been so lucky to have been so busy that I don't even realize it until I find about two minutes to take a breather. That's when one second I think about how I lucky I am, then all of a sudden I'm hit with this stomach turning emptiness as I think about how lonely and stranded I've become. Then I think about all the great things I have to look forward to then strikes fears about what will happen after graduation. Vicious cycle-thunder sun lightning sun happiness sadness smiles tears.